the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
