shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
