I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Are my feet made of real feet?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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