Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
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Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
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Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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