i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
