Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize