Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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