Your dad touched me again.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
