Do you still have your period?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
