Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
