God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
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I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
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I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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