its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
