Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
