Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
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