toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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