i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize