Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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