you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
