I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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