She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
