I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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