Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
