I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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