I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
