my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize