So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
