why didn't you poke me back
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
