okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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