I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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