finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
