you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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