dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
