I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
