Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
