I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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