She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
