yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
