I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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