Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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