I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
