I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize