i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I wear drunk well.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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