we're blogging at a bar
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
