I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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