My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
