I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
