hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
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As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
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Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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