If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
