Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
