When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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