Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
