i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
