someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
