maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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