So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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