you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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