i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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