I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
