Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
