i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
