He had one of those small greek statue penises
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
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This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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